Gender Dysphoria

It’s not rude to ask why somebody cut their hair. The most you’re probably going to get is that they like it that way. Nothing too inspirational. But then there’s the “But why? I like it better when it was longer.”

And that’s just–come on. 

I don’t care what you liked better. It’s my hair, right? Why do you feel the need to ask just to tell me that you don’t like my haircut? There’s literally a difference when you don’t like something because it doesn’t look good, or because you prefer longer hair, on just about everyone. 

I just feel really shitty and anxious now. I feel weird in my own skin? I was so perfectly fine. I liked myself. I was liking myself for a long time. I can’t even look at clothes I want without feeling weird about everything right now.

And it’s just hair. It shouldn’t matter. 

But it does, you know? It’s more than just hair. It’s how I express myself. My hair gives me confidence. My hair gives me a sense of identity that clothes don’t and I don’t want to hear what you like for me better. I don’t care what you like for me better. Whatever you like just isn’t good for me. It doesn’t work. I’m not you, and you don’t know what it’s like to feel how I feel right now. 

I’m just so upset. I’m so uncomfortable in this body right now. I shouldn’t be. I can’t shake this feeling though. I can’t stop shaking my leg, or push down the ball of panic and anxiety in my stomach. It’s so stupid and I want to cry but I just shouldn’t. 

I’m just gonna marathon Buffy until it goes away. 

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